THE GREATEST ORGASMIC ACT

IS FINDING - AND BECOMING INTIMATE WITH - YOUR OWN AUTHENTIC SELF. 

14 years ago...

I married an alpha man. 10 years ago, I divorced him. He was a high-profile banking executive with a gambling habit and several women on the side.

With a daughter of my own watching my every move, I wasn’t about to follow the same script my parents had written for me as a result of their dysfunctional marriage. I had to liberate myself from the pattern.

I knew my husband loved me, but for some reason over time, it became hard to make love to me as our relationship progressed. Love and lust ceased to exist under the same roof.

Our relationship was loving and affectionate, but quickly became void of desire.

I would eventually find lipstick on his shirt collar, condoms with later expiry dates than the ones we had in our stock that weren’t being used, notes to women on Facebook saying he couldn’t wait for them, and an account with Ashley Madison.

With my father telling me to look the other way and weather the storm and my mother directing me to do all the things she hadn’t tried to heal her own wounds, I became highly confused by the duality of such strong opposing forces. So I simply deemed myself a failure — the inevitable product of the environment I grew up in.

But, eventually I tapped into my courage and embarked on a quest to unearth my own truth and understanding. I cleared my doubts with proof and I gave my husband a choice. Ultimately, when down to the wire, he chose a lifestyle over a family. There was nothing to fight for, except my dignity.

He gave me custody of our daughter, and I gave him the dream house we’d just built together. On the day I moved out, he invited his friends over for a steak dinner and poker night. And in the empty nights that followed, the trail of women strolling in and out of the home that had once belonged to us grew by the dozens...as if I’d never existed in the first place. I felt crushed, blaming myself for not being a good enough wife, and questioned everything I’d ever been taught to believe about love, emotions, intimacy and sex.

I sought wisdom from therapists. I listened to motivational speakers. I took a spiritual tour through various healing modalities. And I delved deep into my femininity.

I poked at all the places I’d previously been numb to. I glued back together the pieces that were fragmented. I ripped off my armor, quit putting my pride in my pain tolerance, and reclaimed my softer side.

Healing myself allowed me to heal with him. The hurt, the anger, and the resentment slowly began to shift into compassion and forgiveness as I started to understand more about desire — and that sometimes, lust on the outside is a manifestation of not being able to integrate closeness and sexual passion on the inside.

As much as he chose to exploit his lust with casual encounters, he was wounded too.

I didn’t have to make the actions he did acceptable, but now I could let go of feeling confused, shocked or disgusted. I realized I’d added my own charge to the equation. I kept attracting men with this other side to them, because I wasn’t showing up fully as myself either. Shame, approval seeking, and conditioning had gotten the best of me, and it took years for me to uncover that.

I don’t think he really wanted to be the type of man that cheated, and he took care of me in so many other ways, but for some reason he was unable to erotisize me the way he had once before.

Brilliant, New Openings of Power.

“Theano is brilliantly perceptive. She is adept at navigating when & how to support and nourish, push and stretch, and how to navigate the two simultaneously. More importantly, she has helped me learn how I can navigate this in relationship to myself, equipping me to rest and grow where needed and to move through stuck points that were previously in my blind spots.

Through Theano's guidance in tuning into the messages of my body, soul & mind wisdom, there have been new openings in my relationship to self, my partner, to sexuality and in my business.

I can’t explain the value in discovering a loving, compassionate relationship to one’s self and the way it revolutionizes how we can relate to the world around us - our intimate relationships and beyond.”

-   D. S., Entrepreneur, mother